He would argue that since I chose to make my decisions on my own, I could raise the baby alone too. A girl who wears the signs of struggle in her skin is certainly not worthy of a man like himself. He had always known privilege. I was a poor girl looking for a free ride in the form of a baby. Regardless of him spending a year of his time on me, I was not a qualified candidate to share his forever with. “I want a family, just not with you. You are not the girl I want to be with forever. You never will be, that will never change.”
Me sitting dumb founded in the passenger seat of his car, my hands and stomach cramped and locked, trying to coax any word to come out of my mouth— nothing. Shock. Feeling the realization and the conviction in his voice— I was going to raise a baby alone.
"I don’t know why I stick around." He said "maybe it’s for you, I don’t know. Really it’s so I don’t have to feel guilty, so no one says anything to me." Still no words, I just nodded my head and tried my hardest not to throw up every breath I was reluctantly taking.
"I am assuming you want me to drop you off at your car, I mean, there is no reason for you to come inside now."
I nodded again.
The car stopped.
He drove away down the ally.
I left his house knowing that it was the last time I would ever see it again and somehow that just had to be fine with me.
It just had to.